~ Early Web Links ~

Built by Greg Technology, Slow Marathon is a clever little web tool that calculates how many marathon-distances you have walked over your lifetime using exported iPhone Health app data. All processing happens locally in the browser, so your personal health data never leaves your device, making it both privacy-friendly and genuinely fun to use.

Greg created a playful year-in-review page documenting every restaurant he ordered from via Uber Eats in 2023, presented as a mosaic made from food images alongside his humorously self-aware reflections on food delivery guilt. The writing is candid and charming, touching on late-night cravings, a heartwarming soup-to-Montreal story, and half-sincere resolutions to cook more in 2024.

Michael Eugene Banks invites visitors into a tongue-in-cheek 'wild west fantasy' where you must declare yourself either a true cowboy or a 'pussy bitch' via two clickable links. The sparse, image-heavy presentation and absurdist bravado give it the feel of a novelty web gag wrapped in cowboy aesthetic.

Fingel's Site is a quirky personal homepage dedicated to celebrating James Durso, featuring countdowns, favorite things, and enthusiastic declarations of appreciation. The minimal but heartfelt content centers on commemorating specific dates and people, giving it a charmingly eccentric old-web personality.

Hellmouth Finder is a playful interactive map revealing all 746 supposed portals to the underworld hidden across the UK, presented with a straight face and genuine geographic detail. Part of the vole.wtf collection of silly browser-based diversions, it sits alongside other absurdist British humor projects like Comic Sans Maps, Dog Poo Golf, and How British Are Your Teeth.

The legendary DHMO.org is a classic internet parody site that presents water (dihydrogen monoxide, H2O) as a terrifying dangerous chemical through mock safety reports, fake FAQs, and deadpan environmental impact studies. Created by Tom Way, it is one of the oldest and most celebrated examples of internet satire, designed to skewer fearmongering and scientific illiteracy while fooling the unwary.

Joey's personal site 'cowgf.party' is a chaotic, desktop-optimized experience packed with crude humor, extreme irony, sarcasm, flashing gifs, and auto-playing sound elements. The creator (21+) leans hard into irreverent internet culture, warning visitors of profanity, drug references, and violence before they even enter.

HORG is an elaborate parody of academic taxonomy applied to bread clips (called 'occlupanids'), complete with Latin species names, morphological classifications, and mock scientific publications. The site is a masterwork of deadpan humor, presenting thousands of species entries with genuine taxonomic structure to catalog something as mundane as the plastic tags found on bread bags.

CEPHALON 7000 is a chaotic, colorful personal site built around silliness, stupid puns, and unrepentant immaturity, complete with autoplay sound effects and bouncing cheese. The splash page sets the tone with warnings about comic mischief and moving parts, promising a gleefully absurd experience inside.

Cateater's absurdist little corner of the web offers a tongue-in-cheek 'tutorial' on eating cats and rats, complete with a social credit scoring system and John Cena references. The site also links to a handmade minigame and a curated list of other websites, making it a quirky, low-fi humor experiment.